I know I haven't been posting about it much, but this review is also a part of Once Upon a Bookcase's Body Image and Self-Perception month. Head on over and check out all the other wonderful reviews available.
In my mind, an eating disorder is the ultimate manifestation of both poor body image, and a distorted self-perception. I graduated with a BS in Psychology last December, and in one of my undergrad classes, we devoted a large percentage of time to discussing eating disorders and where they stem from. Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson is one of the best books I've read this year, and I would say that it is the best book I've ever read that handles eating disorders.
Lia is a young girl who has been suffering from anorexia for several years. She's been hospitalized twice, and the family tries to help keep watch over Lia, and make sure she is eating. They weigh her regularly and prepare meals and 'watch' her eat. But Lia is clever, and she is unable to give up her disorder. She cleverly lines the pockets of the robe she is weighed in with quarters and smears food on a plate before dumping it down the garbage disposal to give the appearance of having eaten. For a long time, Lia feels like she is in control and that losing all this weight makes her powerful. However, after the death of her former best friend, Cassie. Lia's world begins falling apart and she loses control over her life. Toward the end of the novel, she begins to make observations and gains new understanding that gives the reader hope she will overcome her illness.
I think one of the most telling sentences in this book is when Lia really starts to realize what this disease is to her, and where her motivation to starve herself comes from. She keeps obsessive track of her weight, and gives herself goals — I'm 105 lbs? I need to be 100. And on from there. She steps on the scale one day and the number reads 89. Her thoughts, "I could say I'm excited, but that would be a lie. The number doesn't matter. If I got down to 070.00, I'd want 065.00. If I weighed 010.00, I wouldn't be happy until I got down to 005.00. The only number that would ever be enough is 0. Zero pounds, zero life, size zero, double-zero, zero point. Zero in tennis is love. I finally get it. (emphasis added, pg. 220)
I think that there is too much focus placed on the body-image problems facing people who suffer from an eating disorder, and not enough attention given to their warped views of themselves. In one of my undergrad classes, we discussed this at length, and talked about new research being developed that suggests the root causes for many people suffering from eating disorders stem from far more than the desire to be skinny or even the desire to control at least one aspect of their lives. Although both of those play a role in the formation of the disorder, the new research suggests that these eating disorders actually stem more from the desire to disappear. Subconsciously they view themselves as unworthy of love, and that because of their flaws or imperfections, they are not worthy to take up space. So, they are literally trying to starve themselves out of existence. They don't necessarily want to die, but neither do they wish to live. It's scary research, but it's research that makes a frightening amount of sense. That LHA was able to grasp that idea and articulate it so well with just a small paragraph, and a simple sentence speaks volumes to me about her skill as a writer, and her ability to develop believable and realistic characters. Lia just breaks my heart.
One of the most powerful aspects of the novel is also potentially distracting. LHA uses the strike through text to signify the difference between what Lia was thinking and what Lia actually said. Or, it could be what Lia thought vs. what she knew she was supposed to think. Either way, the strike through offers additional insight into the mind of Lia, and enables us as readers to better understand what she's really thinking.
I recommend this book to everyone, even though I know it won't be for everyone. LHA doesn't pull her punches with this one, and I really felt that I was living the life of an anorexic teen along with Lia. And let me tell you, it was not comfortable. It was scary, painful and terrifying. I can only imagine how much worse it would be for someone actually suffering through this. Do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of this book as soon as possible. But I warn you, don't pick it up expecting a light read that will fill a few hours. This novel is gripping, intense and horrifying. It is one of the best books I've read all year and I just can't bring myself to give it anything but my highest rating. It is basically amazing in every way. Way to go Laurie, for creating a book that gives us such a vivid portrait of a young anorexic girl who suddenly understands what it is to live.